I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
