tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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