i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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