im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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