Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you mean i was at the winter classic?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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