There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
