She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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