I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
True college students do jello shots in the library
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
