listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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