so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
