Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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