Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
