there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
