an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
