it's too hot outside to masturbate.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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