I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
two words: eviction party
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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