taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
