Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
