and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
