I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
