I hope mine doesn't look like that
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
