Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
