:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize
