i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
