The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
There's always time for handjobs
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
