Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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