i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
