I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
