Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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