3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Why are your pants in the freezer?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
