The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
