i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
