batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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