i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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