somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
They took my balls.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
