it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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