A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
