So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
