fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
This house was built for laser tag.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize