You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
