We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
