Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
