thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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