dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
