How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize