i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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