would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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