you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
