Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
