I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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