Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
