we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
