Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
