It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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