I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
