i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
