They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
