i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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