I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
