see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize