it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
