His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
