i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
