Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
